The Blushing Ostrich

Yesterday was Monday. As a rule, I'm not a big fan of Mondays and usually never plan anything important for a Monday because it inevitably doesn't work out the way I'd planned. So when the coordinator for the "I Grow, You Grow" class I'd signed up for called me last week and reminded me that classes would begin on Monday, inwardly I groaned.

So really, I should have known that some kind of disaster would befall me and anticipated it and maybe just not left the house. But I set off for Banff at 12:49 (the class started at 1:00 and it would take me 17 minutes to get there...already starting on the right foot, I know), with a smile on my face and the music (softly) pumping in my truck, ready for something new.

I got to Banff late, however, I had beaten the train I'd seen from the highway, so I didn't have to wait for that. Bonus! I found the building with no problem...double bonus!!...and went to find a parking spot. Here is where the trouble began. Banff can either be completely full, or have a plethora of parking spots available in any parking location, at any given time. And the dynamics can change in seconds. In the seconds that I drove past the building, there were NO parking spots. I circled the block and came back. No parking on the side of the street I was on...but there were two spots on the OTHER side of the street! I knew they'd be taken by the time I circled back, so I decided to park in the parkade a couple of blocks away.

In the parkade, I quickly found a spot (designated "Small Car" but I parked my Escape there anyway) and then there was the stroller/no stroller dilemma. I had a hunch the building was stroller-free, but then thought, if the Parentlink programs are held in there, surely there is a spot for stroller parking. In any case, P90x or not, I was NOT hauling an ever-heavier bucket seat down the street to the Parentlink centre, so I took my chances and used the stroller.

Fast forward to the front door of the Parentlink centre. There is a HUGIANT (hybrid of huge and giant...childish, I know, but it's very descriptive!!) sign on the door which said, "PLEASE NO STROLLERS IN THE BUILDING. PLEASE LEAVE ALL STROLLERS BY THE OTHER ENTRANCE." Yes, it was all in caps, like it was shouting at me. Now, we didn't buy our stroller...it was given to us by my in-laws and I LOVE...and that's BIG love...my stroller. I didn't want to leave it by the other entrance, which I observed was very close to the sidewalk in a very transient town. So I opted to pretend I didn't see the sign, and strolled right into the centre.

What I haven't told you about the centre is that it doubles as the community Seniors' Centre. Nobody loves "The Rules" more than seniors. In fact, I think they make up MORE rules just to make younger people do them. There is nothing worse than having a senior citizen come up to you with that worried look on their face, the extra furrow in their brow making the amount of wrinkles they had on their face DOUBLE in an instant, and then tell you what you're doing is against the rules and can you please stop? And because they are a senior citizen and you are worried that their face will never straighten out again if you don't, you just do what they ask.

So I enter the building, with my stroller, and bump right into the welcoming committee made up of three senior ladies and one not-as-senior gentleman.

Rats.

I managed to manufacture a look of complete innocence coupled with the tiredness of a new mommy, stick it on my face, and ask in a weary voice, "Do you know where the meeting is for the moms and tots?" The guy was completely fooled by my apparent lack of knowledge about the stroller rule, but the ladies were eyeing me - and my stroller - suspiciously.

One of the ladies pushed past the man, and showed me to the room (which I had apparently passed on the way in). She knocked on the door (no subtleties here) and announced to the inhabitants that there was a lady looking for the moms and tots class, but then she turned to me and said in a loud voice, "But you can't bring that stroller in. There are no strollers allowed." Dangit.

The kindly lady leading the class (who was NOT a senior, I might add) looked at me sympathetically, took my baby and bucket seat, and said, "You DO need to park your stroller outside, sorry...I'll just take Bradley and you can meet us back here in a few minutes." I peeked inside the room and found that some of the mommies were looking at me as if to say, Didn't you see the sign on the door? Of course, some of the mommies were preoccupied with caring for their babies, but I know some of them might've been thinking it too.

I was desperate. I was NOT sticking my stroller outside to be taken at leisure by the passing crowds of Banff...or at the very least, to get snowed on. Yes, it's April and snowing. Welcome to the mountains..

So I turned back to the elderly lady who had "helped" me and the gentleman that had followed her, and said, "Isn't there ANY way I can just keep this in here for today and then I won't bring it back ever again?"

"NO." The elderly lady shook her head sadly, but adamantly. "Elderly people have walkers. We made the rule for a reason, you know."

I looked around the spacious lobby and spied a corner with a chair in it, then got a brilliant idea. I clicked the triggers on the stroller, instantly folding it in half, which I think shocked my little audience...the man, with appreciation...the lady, with added skepticism. I think I heard the man mutter, "Well, isn't that nifty!" with awe in his voice.

"I could just stow the stroller here, behind this chair, for the time being, and nobody would even notice," I suggested, moving swiftly before the old bag elderly lady could protest. The man moved quickly to help me, a twinkle in his eye. "Ooooh, I don't know if this is such a good idea...BETTY is here today!" the lady protested desperately, in one last attempt to adhere to "The Rules". The man hesitated, stopping in his tracks. Apparently BETTY was someone we don't want to mess with.

I sighed in exasperation and gave the chair one last heave, moving it into place. "There." I said with finality. "Look, Betty won't even notice. It will be our little secret for an hour." I placed my finger over my lips in a Shh! face, smiled at the lady, and quickly scooted out of the room and into the class.

Nobody even really looked up as I entered the room, quickly found a place in the circle, reclaimed my child, and sat down. Good. At least these were people who would understand my lateness, and my struggle with the stroller dilemma....these people were also new mommies, and all would be forgiven. I was excited at the possibility of getting to know these people and their little ones. Who would become close friends? Which of our kids would end up in school together? Would one of these little babies be my baby's best friend? Dare I say it, would one of these little girls one day be a bride for my little baby boy? The possibilities were endless, and my thought train was getting WILDLY out of hand, when there was a small "ahem" to call me to attention...

The leader of the group was looking at me with sympathy (for the stroller, or for the glazed look in my eyes, I don't know) and probably a little exasperation, and when she was sure she had my attention, she told me that we had been going around the group, saying our names and how old our babies were, and what had surprised us most about motherhood. We were nearing the end of the group (the stroller had cost me that much time) and I was only half-listening as my mind whirled frantically. What had surprised me about motherhood so far? I had a million different things, many of which I've written about on this blog. The amount of time it takes to get out of the house (oh no! A mommy just said that one!)...the vomit...the poo....the way you can function on almost no sleep...but wait, Bradley had been sleeping like an angel lately and....OH CRAP, it's my turn!!

"Well, uh, my name is Kelly and this is Bradley..." I began feebly and almost a little breathlessly...

Breathless? Why was I breathless? Was I nervous? Why should I be nervous about speaking in front of other new mommies? It was the stroller! They were judging me about the stroller?! No they weren't. You're imagining things. Keep going....KEEP GOING....they're looking at you.....

"and...he's um, 10 weeks old..." (was he 10 weeks? Am I speaking the truth? Yes. Yes he is. Go ON....)

"and...ummm...what's surprised me most about motherhood?" Drum roll please...the big moment... YOU CAN DO THIS.....

"Well, I agree with these other mommies we've just heard..." LAME. OMG, Kelly...say something brilliant...

"aaaaaand, I'm surprised actually by..." What was my last thought again? Sleep? Oh yeah...

"...at how well Bradley's been sleeping? He's um, been sleeping pretty good and...." CRASHING! BURNING!!! Ohhhhh MAYDAY.......

"....and yeah. Heh. Um...yeah."

Oh brilliant. You idiot. You wanted to be friends with these people? You now just put up the BIGGEST BARRIER POSSIBLE. Several pairs of eyes narrowed and turned away from me like I was some hated thing. Or like I was an idiot not worth their time. Which may or may not be true...

The rest of the class went by without incident. Mommies listened and breastfed and chatted and got along swimmingly. The mommies I already knew in the group either didn't hear me because they were distracted with their babies, or chose to forgive me because they knew I was flustered, or really, I'm making a big deal out of nothing and they didn't care what I'd said.

After class I retrieved my stroller from behind the chair (apparently Betty hadn't noticed, or no seniors had chosen to walk behind the chair with their walkers) and quickly left Banff for the comfort of home, a Tim Horton's hot chocolate with 1/4 French Vanilla in my cupholder, and a Fruit Explosion muffin in my lap. I sighed with contentment. Maybe Mondays weren't so bad after all.

In any case, Karma came back to bite me in the ass...Bradley woke up at 4:40am, something he hasn't done in weeks. I smiled as I walked downstairs to get him and continued smiling to myself as I fed him in the semi-darkness of the living room. Really? This wasn't bad at all. The words of one of my other mommy friends came back to me and reverberated in my head as I fed him: What's so bad about baby needing you in the middle of the night? It's actually nice to be needed.

I couldn't agree more.